Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, so it seems as good of a time as any to share our story with you. While many of my old blog posts don't even come close to expressing what I want them to, I invite you to start at the beginning.
Today is a day that many women suffer through alone - weeping silently over the child who made them a mother, but whom they never got to hold. Dreaming of the person they would become. Wondering. If that is you, please don't try to do it alone. If you have no one else that you want to tell, tell me. And I will listen.
Many of you know John and Andrew as the twin boys that you see in matching outfits at preschool, or the park, or out for ice cream (yes, we do that a lot). While I've had to get used to the term "twins", to me my boys will always be part of a larger team - triplets. After struggling to get pregnant because of a hormone imbalance, we were given the gift of three baby boys. At 30 weeks and 1 day of my pregnancy, I went in for a regularly scheduled ultrasound to learn that "Baby B" no longer had a heartbeat. In an instant, we were rocked to the core. I am confident in my faith and know that on that day, Nathan Anthony Harris, went to heaven where he will stay in the glorious presence of God for all eternity. But this is where words fail me, because while this fact gives me immense comfort, there is nothing to describe the excruciating feeling of loss that a parent feels. When I look back and remember sitting in a funeral home, selecting an urn for my 2-pound child, my heart weeps all over again.
But through that pain, I have reason to rejoice. Six days later, I received two of the biggest blessings I could ever imagine in the birth of Andrew and John. Three years later, God blew our socks off again with the addition of Elizabeth to our family. Through it all, I've learned more about the Cross and what an enormous sacrifice it was for God to give up His son. For me. Our experiences have also allowed me to help some of you through tough times. And I hope that continues. So on today, October 15th, if you're struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, please know that you always have a friend here who knows just a little bit about what you're going through.
XO
