Today marks one year since one of our triplets, precious Nathan Anthony Harris, went to Heaven to be with Jesus. The last few days leading up to today have been some of the hardest days I've had in a long time. Last week, some old friends of ours lost their baby girl, Natalie, just hours after she was born. Their news broke my heart and it was if the band-aid on my wounded heart had been ripped off, opening the wound wide open again. I remembered the things they would have to go through over the next few days that no parent should ever have to do - leave a hospital empty-handed, take apart a crib that will never be slept in, return gifts that will never be used, write an obituary instead of a birth announcement. I spent most of Monday in tears as I anticipated today and finally allowed myself to fully remember and grieve the loss of our son. Throughout the day, this song kept popping up, usually making me cry harder, but also reminding me that through God's grace, I would endure and that He was by my side.
I know that friends and family have been praying for us this week, sending words of support & encouragement, and I truly believe that those prayers are the reason why today, I feel a peace. I had my day of grief and sorrow on Monday, and today I am just thankful. Thankful that I have two precious sons who challenge me and grow me every single day. Thankful that Nathan is worshiping our Creator and experiencing His glory in ways we cannot even comprehend. Thankful that I have a loving husband who encourages me and loves me even when I'm a crying mess. Thankful that family and friends, near & far, are thinking of us and praying for us when we don't even know it. And mostly thankful that we have an awesome God who has overcome death. Thankful that because of Jesus Christ, my hope is in Him, not in things of this life.
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
Romans 5:1-5
I know that I will always continue to have days of grief, but I also have hope. And comfort. And love. So today, I will smile and be truly thankful that God blessed us with Nathan's life, be grateful for the way it has shaped me, and will cherish all the smiles, cries, and giggles that I share with Andrew and John.
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