This Time of Year

The last time that Friday the 13th fell in January, it was 2012. That was the day I heard my son's precious heartbeat for the very last time.

Three days later, it was gone. He was gone.

Six days after that, his brothers were born.

These anniversaries are so bittersweet. They always bring tears, extra hugs, and the "what if's" that I try to ignore. I long to hold sweet Nathan the way I did his siblings. But I also know that he is celebrating our Savior in a way that I can't fully comprehend this side of heaven. I know that his life was not wasted and that he shaped me and our family in ways we never expected.

Two of those ways are sitting around this table. Elizabeth and James.

Ryan and I each had one older sibling, so early in our marriage we naturally imagined building our happy little family of four. God laughed at our plans when he gave us three at once and lovingly whispered, "I have something even better in store".

Growing triplet boys and losing one of them made us realize how amazing the gift of family is. It created in us the desire a large family, and I often think that if Nathan had not been a part of our lives, Elizabeth and James might not either.

So today on Friday the 13th, my heart rejoices for gift of children. The screaming, the fighting, the frustration...and the snuggles, the kisses, and the bedtime books that I'm tired of reading but want to read forever.

We have so very much to be thankful for.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above." James 1:17

xo